Fear

One of the biggest fears woman have is to end up alone, I know that after my fast breakup with my ex, I thought my world was over. I thought I would never be able to really pick myself up again and find the strength and most importantly the courage to let someone else into my life. But fortunately when you have great friends by your side, the recovery is ten times easier....

After my engagement had come to a shocking end, I found myself hating men. All that crossed my mind was the fact that I could never really put my self out there again, and honestly I really never wanted to be vulnerable.

I had recently met a friend of course through my ex fiancees friend, who's name is Lori. I'm going to paint a picture of who Lori is. Lori is small, thin, blonde, amazing figure, and if that's not already a great description, she had an amazing personality to top things off. Lori like all my other friends is a year older than me. When I first met Lori, I knew her and I would become great friends, sure enough we did.

THE NIGHT OF THE BREAK UP...

The night of my break up the only person I turned to was Lori. I found her name come into my head first.
"Lori, I did it, I couldn't pretend anymore...I woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe and I just called him and told him that we were done. He didn't say anything, he stayed quiet and I didn't know what to do or say to make things better."

Lori said, "B, your going to be fine, you did what you thought was right, you couldn't stay in a relationship that you weren't happy in anymore...I'm going to come pick you up, get ready...."

I sat in my bath tub and just let the water fall on me, was I really making the right move? Was I really willing to give up everything that I had known for so many years? Fear, that's all I felt. I feared I was making the wrong decision. But I feared I was making the wrong decision for all the wrong reasons....

The football game...

Lori picked me up and dragged me to a football game that she had an extra ticket for. As we were walking in through the gate I came face to face with my ex fiancees sister. Mind you, no one except for my ex and Lori knew what had happened. Do you tell her? Or act like nothing has happened? Here is the thing, if I choose to tell her, shes going to judge me for being at a game when i just ended my engagement, but if i chose not to tell her she would simply find out when she got home and would judge me regardless.

"Don't worry B, it is what it is, shes going to have her opinion regardless so lets just enjoy the game," said Lori.

As I sat in the bleacher, everyone is shouting out for their favorite team, people are laughing, smiling, drinking, having a great time....and all I seemed to feel was out of place, I had never felt so confused in my life.


Now I wasn't only fearing the decision I had made, but what everybody would think when they heard and assumed I went to an event because I simply didn't care...when no one really knew what I was feeling inside....